Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
