so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
