Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize