you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
