I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
