guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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