I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That's how pantless uber rides happen
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
