I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We are all done wearing pants today
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
