If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
