Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
