I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And then my night got REAL pukey
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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