We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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