Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
