the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
