I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He better not be in your backpack
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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