You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
