please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
