Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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