LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
