Your face is a jimmy john
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
