The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
