You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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