just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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