Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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