I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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