I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
