You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
