I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
