I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
