Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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