Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
