My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
