I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
