This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Someone shit on the floor
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
