Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
