your parents love me but you hate me
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
