Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
