Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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