i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize