I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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