I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
