My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize