i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
