can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
