I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
