see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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