The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My ass is underappreciated
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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