Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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