i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
