Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
