I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
