I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
