It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize