You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
