Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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