i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
