I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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