Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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