White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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