I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
