in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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