you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
