I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
