Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
