My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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