Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
