Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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