I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
