are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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