The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
