my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
