remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
